If Kyari Had Been There
by Neopuff
Summary: This is what would have happened if Kyari, aka Neopuff, came into the Naruto world right before the Forest of Death and she knew everything that was gonna happen to everyone. Oneshot NejiTen NaruHina ShikaIno SasuSaku slight ShinoOC


A/N: This is just a for-fun story, I hope you like it!

Summery: This is what would have happened if Kyari Asako, aka Neopuff, came into the Naruto world right before the Forest of Death. NejiTen, NaruHina, ShikaIno, slight SasuSaku, and one-sided ShinoOC

And no, Kyari is not some kind of 'super-powerful, can kick Orochimaru and Itachi's butts in a second' fan-made character. She's more like…Tenten, just your average, not too weak not too strong either kunoichi.

Disclaimer: Me no own Naruto, me do own Kyari, Nori, and Sho.

Thinking is in Italics 

Enjoy!

If Kyari Had Been There 

"I was, just returning your knife," The 'Grass Nin' said while holding out Anko's kunai with her tongue.

"Why thank you, grass ninja," Anko replied sweetly, still smiling.

"DIE BITCH!!!" Kyari leapt into the air, kicking the grass ninja in the face.

Anko stared at her blankly. "I see you're all hyped up for this, but you shouldn't attack random grass ninja, Kyari," She smiled.

The grass ninja touched her face, right where Kyari shoe left a big, red mark. "It's quite alright," She stared at Kyari.

"No it's not, bitch!" Kyari pointed an accusing finger at her. "You're Orochimaru!" She kicked him again.

Anko stopped smiling and looked at Kyari, then Orochimaru. "Wh-what?" She stuttered, fear coming from her throat.

"You heard me!" Kyari smiled evilly. "So rip off that mask, biz-natch!"

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Orochimaru stared up at Kyari strangely. _How did she figure that out…?_

"Oh, don't forget Kabuto!" Kyari ran over to the silver-haired medic and punched him in the face. "Stupid traitor!"

Kabuto fell down next to Orochimaru. He flung some kunai in her direction. "I don't know what you're talking about, but it would be in your best interest to stay away from me!"

Kyari easily dodged the kunai. "Yeah, right! You and your gay-lover here should go back with Itachi in the Akatsuki!"

Suddenly, this conversation concerned Sasuke. He flashed in front of Kyari and grabbed her by her collar. "What do you know about Itachi!?"

Kyari shoved him off and pointed towards Orochimaru. "He knows everything there is to know about Uchiha Itachi!"

Everyone around them gasped, even Anko. "This has gone too far!" Anko stopped Kyari from saying anymore. "You don't joke about people like them!"

"It's not a joke!" Kyari whipped out a kunai and threw it at Orochimaru's face. "See?!"

His 'face' slid off, revealing a white face with purple markings under the eyes.

Anko saw this and immediately told some kids to get the 3rd hokage towards the forest. They nodded their heads and quickly stepped away. Mitarashi Anko had nothing left to do but try her best to kill Orochimaru. "Hidden Sanke Hands!"

"Fine," He smiled and avoided her attack. "I'll have fun while I'm here," He fled into the forest of death, followed by Anko.

"I'll kill you even if it costs me my life!" Anko screamed and ran after him, leaving the kids behind, speechless.

(With the kids)

"Ho-how did you know that?" Ino stared at Kyari. _Is this girl psychic or something?_

"Hn," Kyari whipped her head away, facing some people she actually wanted to talk to. _Ino-pig…_ "Alright…let's see here…"

"What do you know about Itachi!?" Sasuke grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. "Tell me everything!"

"Peh, fine!" Kyari pulled his hand off of her. "He belongs to a secret organization called the Akasuki which consists of Uchiha Itachi, Hoshigaki Kisame, Deidara, Zetsu, Leader-sama (who people think is the 4th hokage and Naruto's father)…"

Naruto suddenly came over and stared at her just like Sasuke. "Akasuki!" They both screamed and started formulating plans on what to do.

_They could at least let me finish…_ "Well, anyways, does anyone else want to know something?" Kyari looked around at all the people running up to her, asking questions.

"…" She looked around and saw Lee. "Lee! Heh…heh…" She smiled.

"What's the meaning of life!?" Lee asked eagerly, hopping up and down in front of her.

"Uh…" She pondered for a good answer. "Everyone…has their own meaning of life…yours…is probably Gai-sensei…"

"YOSH!" Lee's eyes turned to flames. "Gai-sensei!" He started running around in circles, screaming random things about youth.

"Heh…yeah…" Kyari looked around some more. "And while we're on Team Gai…"

Neji and Tenten looked up and saw Kyari Asako right in their faces.

"Tenten…" Kyari looked at the weapons-mistress and frowned. "I have a question for you…"

Tenten looked puzzled. "Why am I the only person you have a question for?"

"You're not," Kyari took a quick glance and Shino. "…you're just the first. Now tell me. What. Is. Your. Last. Name."

Neji eyes opened wide. "I don't even know that!" He yelled. "Why should she tell you!?" Kyari glared at him.

Tenten sighed. "I don't have a last name," She turned towards Neji. "That's why you don't know, and neither does she."

"Alright, good," Kyari turned her attention back to Tenten, and she smiled. "Now I need you two to stand up."

They both shot Kyari the same 'why-the-hell-would-I-do-that' look and stayed where they were.

Kyari glared at them. "You'll never hear anything like this ever again…"

"Then why can't you tell us while we're sitting down?" Neji looked up at the strange kunoichi.

Kyari smiled evilly. "It'll hurt a lot more, Neji," He stared at her and shook his head.

"If you're threatening me, I have to warn you, you're not getting anything out of this."

"Oh no, I'm not threatening you," She looked at Tenten and turned back. "But you might want to hear this. It could mean life or death."

Neji sighed and got up, standing where Kyari told him. Tenten shrugged and went with it, standing directly opposite of Neji.

"Now that you're cooperating, I'm going to tell Tenten something, then Neji, then you two are free to do whatever you feel like doing." Kyari walked towards Tenten and whispered in her ear.

_Why can't I hear any of this?_ Neji wondered as Tenten's face got red.

"You know Neji's byakugan, right?" Kyari quietly asked Tenten.

"Uh…yeah…"

"It can see through anything the user wants it to see through…"

"Where are you going with all this?"

"It can see through walls, people, trees," Kyari put emphasis on her next option. "…clothes…"

Tenten turned red of anger and embarrassment and looked at Neji. "N-Neji isn't a pervert! He w-wouldn't do that!"

"How often does he use byakugan around you?"

"What?" Tenten looked at her. "He uses it…all…the…time…"

"Now, before you say anything, I need to tell Neji something," Kyari walked over to the shinobi.

"What did you tell her?" Neji angrily looked at Kyari. _I've never seen Tenten look so mad before…_

"Heh…nothing." The kunoichi whispered in his ear. "But you might wanna get ready…" She backed away.

"Get ready?" A confused Neji looked at Kyari. "For what?"

"Alright, do what you please," Kyari looked at Tenten.

"HYUUGA!!!!" Tenten ran towards Neji with her hand in a fist.

"What?" Neji avoided her and ran up to Kyari. "What did you say to her? I'll kill you!" He avoided another punch and summoned byakugan.

"Now you're using it on her, too!!!!???" Tenten got him right in the gut. Then she punched him under his chin, sending him flying. "PERVERT!!!"

Everyone stood in awe. The Hyuuga Neji was just beat up by a simple weapons mistress? Then, some kids realized what had just happened. Some girls giggled. Others screamed "PERVERT!" along with Tenten. All the boys (except Lee) started chanting. "Whoo! Didn't think you had it in you, Hyuuga!"

Kyari just smiled and saw Neji head back towards Tenten. "Pervert? For what!?"

Tenten slapped him across the face. "Never look at me with your byakugan on AGAIN!" She stormed off.

_My byakugan? _Neji finally realized what had happened. "Tenten! Wait! She lied!" He chased after Tenten and grabbed her shoulder.

"Augh!" Tenten pushed him off. "Don't touch me you perv!" She slapped him again.

"Cut that out!" He grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look into his light-purple eyes. "I swear to you, I do not use byakugan for such…disturbing things…"

Tenten blushed. _I've never been this close to Neji's face before…_ "Then why would she…"

He cut her off. "I don't know. I guess she doesn't want us to be friends."

Suddenly, Kyari appeared next to them. "You got that right, pretty boy! I want you two to be more than friends!" She grabbed the back of each of their heads and pushed them into each other.

Everyone stared as Neji and Tenten were forced into their first kiss. The two waved their arms in the air, screaming for help, but all that came out was muffles.

"I'm not letting go until you people calm down," Kyari still had a tight hold on their heads.

Tenten was still waving her arms in the air, but Neji knew better.

_Let's just get this over with…_ He did exactly what Kyari wanted to lead them to, he calmed down and grabbed Tenten's hips. They were both red already, and this wasn't making it any better.

_I get it… we can kill her if she let's go…_ Tenten realized what Neji was doing, and cupped her hands around his face.

Everyone stared at them and cheered. Well, everyone except Neji's fangirls and Lee, who were crying.

"Neji-kun! Noooooo!!!"

"So…beautiful…"

Kyari let go and quickly backed away, expecting a couple kunai to head her way, but nothing happened. Neji and Tenten still stood there, completely enjoying their moment.

_I…should let go…_ Neji thought while still holding Tenten in his arms.

_What am I doing…?_ Tenten hated herself. A second ago she was punching Neji in the face, and now she was totally making out with him.

(Later)

"Kyari!" Nori, her teammate, ran up to her. "What did you do?"

"Hi Nori," Kyari smiled weakly and blocked Nori's view of Neji and Tenten still making out. "Uh…I didn't do anything! Really!"

Nori pushed her and saw Neji and Tenten together. "How'd you do that?"

"Heh, you don't wanna know," Kyari saw her other teammate heading their way. "Oh, hey Sho!"

"Kyari…" He looked around and saw people staring at Neji and Tenten. "…did you do that?"

"Why do you guys think I did that?" Kyari tried to keep a straight face.

"Because we know you," They replied, smiling.

"Nya nya!" Kyari mocked them. "Well fine then, it doesn't matter if you two are here or not, I'm going to ruin some more peoples lives!" She smiled and walked towards Hinata.

Hinata hid behind a tree. "Wh-what are you going to d-do…?"

Kyari looked at the frightened Hinata. "Hey Naruto!" She called. Hinata blushed and Naruto ran over. "Hinata here has something she's wanted to tell you for a long, long, time."

Hinata screamed and tried to faint, but Naruto caught her before she fell over. "Hinata? What do you want to tell me?" She just stared at him and closed her eyes.

This is just a dream, this is just a dream, this is just a dream… Hinata opened one eye to see it was not a dream, Neji and Tenten were making out on the ground while Naruto was holding her up. "N-Naruto-kun…" 

"Ugh." Kyari went over to Ino. "Hey…Ino!" She put on a fake smile.

"Are you here to tell me that Sasuke is gonna fall in love with me!?" Ino squealed.

"Uh…no." Kyari frowned. "I need you to take over Hinata's body and tell Naruto that she loves him."

"Ok!" Ino got in her position. _Why didn't I think of this before?_ "Shikamaru! Catch my body! Shintenshin no Jutsu!" Ino's mind flooded into Hinata's body.

"Well? Hinata?" He sat her upright and dusted her off.

'Hinata' sighed. "Naruto…I admire you!" 'Hinata' hugged him. "I-I love you!"

Naruto was shocked and he unconsciously hugged back. When he wasn't looking at her hands, 'Hinata' quickly shouted 'Kai!' and Ino's mind trailed back into her own body.

"I…really?" Naruto embraced her tighter. "Wow! That's so awesome!"

Hinata turned completely red. "Wh-why?"

"Because I got a girlfriend before Sasuke did!" Naruto smiled and faced the totally, completely, red Hinata.

"G-girl…f-f-friend…?" She smiled and hugged him. "Naruto-kun!"

(Ino's body)

Shikamaru and Chouji hadn't noticed Ino's returning. "She looks so…peaceful when her heads not in there, don't you think Shikamaru?"

"Meh," Shikamaru replied. "Girls are troublesome." _Yeah…she does._

Ino kept her eyes closed in hope that they would say more nice things about her.

"You know you like her, Shikamaru," Chouji chomped on some potato chips. Shikamaru faced Chouji and Ino quickly opened an eye, to make sure she was hearing the right people.

"Not. Even." Shikamaru pointed a finger at Chouji. "So don't try anything."

Shikamaru looked back down at Ino, who had closed her eyes shut again. _What's taking her so long? She should be done by no…_

Shikamaru's thoughts were cut off by his head being pushed down, right onto Ino's. She opened her blue eyes to see Shikamaru's right in front of hers. They both turned red.

"Haha!" Kyari pumped a fist into the air. "3 at once! This is my, I mean, their, lucky day!"

Shikamaru let go of Ino and they just stared at each other for another couple of minutes. Although, to them it felt like hours.

"Sh-Shikamaru…?" She stared at him. _Was Chouji telling the truth?_

"I-I swear, that was not me…" Shikamaru was still holding Ino in his lap. _How long was she back in her body?_

Ino stood up and reached out a hand to help Shikamaru up. "Suuure… you're not the guy who just kissed me while my body was supposedly empty."

"Exactly."

"And it wasn't your eyes who were looking into mine with longing after you kissed me."

"Exactly."

"So you did kiss me?"

"Exact…NO!"

Ino leaned forwards. "Well, then whoever did kiss me is a great kisser!" She smiled.

Shikamaru blushed and turned his head away. "Well I didn't do it on purpose."

She kissed him again. "Suuuuuure…"

(Kyari)

"Alright, Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura, get over here!" Kyari pointed in front of her, and in no time the two were standing there.

More information on the Akasuki… 

_Sasuke likes me, too…_

"I want to tell Sakura that," Kyari turned towards her. "Right now, Sasuke does not love you."

Sakura sighed. "I know…"

"But… in the future, you two will grow closer!" Kyari smiled as she took a quick glance at Sasuke's face. He was blushing almost as much as Sakura.

"…cl-closer by…" Sasuke spoke quietly.

"You will eventually return her feelings!"

You could hear Ino screaming in the background, and Shikamaru commenting on how she just kissed him.

"I. Will. Do. No. Such. Thing." Sasuke turned away from Sakura, trying to hide his blush.

"Sorry Sasuke, but apparently, you won't be able to resist her much longer!" Kyari smiled. "If you start now, maybe you'll break up with her before the wedding!" Then she started humming a wedding march.

"W-wedding…?" Sakura turned red all over again and frowned. _This must be some cruel trick._

Sasuke noticed her frowning. "I'd expect you to be jumping around with joy right now," He looked at the ground. "Everything else she said that wasn't an intentional lie has been true. So, if that's what's gonna happen, I…"

Sakura smiled and looked up at him.

He grabbed her hands and turned his head away. "As Hyuuga would say, this, apparently, is fate."

"I don't say it for that kind of stuff!" Neji yelled and Tenten calmed him down. Apparently, their make-out session was over.

"Just ignore it."

(Kyari Again)

"Now people!" Everyone stared at Kyari. "I have two more things to do, then I must leave!"

"What?!" Random ninjas screamed.

Kyari slowly walked over to a ninja with glasses and a ponytail. "Kabuto."

"Kyari." He looked at her. "What do you want?"

"I want this…" Kyari leaned towards him. He flinched, thinking she was going to kiss him or something (ugh! Gawd no!) but instead she kneed him in the gut.

"Augh!"

"That's for being a stupid traitor to the Akatsuki…" she punched him in the face.

"Ugh!"

"That's for being a traitor to the sound dudes…" She got out a scroll and shouted, "Tobidoogu!" (projectile weapons)

"AAAHH!" Kabuto was stabbed with hundreds of different weapons, kunai, shirikin, all the good stuffs.

"AND THAT'S FOR LIVING, YOU ASSHOLE!!" Kyari jumped down to the ground, landing right on top of him. "Phew! Now, I can finish what I needed to do!"

"Kyari!" Sho and Nori ran over to her. "Why'd you do that!?"

"I hate him, why else?"

Nori grabbed her arm. "Finish up. We're leaving."

"We've got more important things to do!" Sho waved his arms in the air.

"Alright, alright." She started to walk towards her target, and every time she passed someone who had a question, they'd sigh. _Too bad this is gonna be the hardest one…_

Soon enough she stopped in front of a brown-haired, sunglasses wearing shinobi. "Aburame Shino," she said.

"Asako Kyari."

"I. Have. Some. Thing. To. Tell. You." She sighed. "Turn towards me."

He turned and looked at her. "Yes?"

She blushed for no reason except being right in front of him. _Don't mess this up…you've been waiting forever for this!_ "Sh-Shino…I-I…"

A question mark formed above his head. _Is she trying to say she loves me?_

"I…" Suddenly she reached up and pulled off his glasses. "I MUST SEE YOUR EYES!!"

Shino covered his eyes quickly and sighed. "Why?"

She blushed, still holding Shino's glasses. "Be-because…I…"

Sakura and Ino jumped in. "She looooooves you!!!" They laughed and walked away, leaving two red faced people to stare at each other.

"Is that…" Shino would have looked at her but he was still covering his eyes with his hand. "…true?"

"…yeah…" She looked away.

"Alright, fine, you can see my eyes." Kyari looked back at him and smiled.

"Omigosh! Really!?" She hugged him. "You are so awesome!" That's when she realized she was hugging him.

"Please let go of me."

She quickly got off of the Aburame genius. "Sorry, about that."

He slowly removed his hand from his eyes, revealing total bishie-eyes that any girl would go mad over. He soon realized that other people were watching, as in, other girls. _Oh…crap._

"OMG! SHINO-KUN!!!" Every girl that could see him right then and there ran towards him. He was trapped.

(Naruto and Hinata)

"What's going on?" Hinata asked Naruto.

"I think Shino just took off his glasses, let's go see!"

"No!" Hinata grabbed him. "I don't want to leave you nooow!!" She hugged him.

"What's wrong with Shino's eyes?"

She sighed dreamily. "Absolutely nothing…"

(Back to poor Shino)

"Back off!" Kyari stood in front of Shino, willing to take on any of the girls that were swooning over him. "He took off the glasses for me!" She pulled out another scroll like the one from earlier. "Tobidoogu!"

"Kyari!" Nori yelled at her. "C'mon! We don't have time for this!"

Suddenly, girls all over were attacking each other, but mostly Kyari.

"Kamaitachi no Jutsu!" (Cutting Whirlwind Technique) shouted Temari.

"Bunshin no Jutsu!" (Clone Technique) Sakura shouted.

"Katon: Ryuuka no Jutsu!" (Fire Release: Dragon Fire Technique ) Kyari tried to defend herself with a fire attack. Instead, she was sent flying and let go of Shino's glasses. He put them back on quickly and all the girls stopped.

"What happened?"

"Why do I feel like I've used up a hell of a lot of chakra?"

"Omigosh! What happened to Kyari!?"

Kyari slowly got up and sighed. "I'm fine," she lied while wiping some blood off her shirt and limping towards her team. "Let's go."

"Finally," Nori turned away and started walking.

"Are you ok, Kyari?" Sho helped her walk.

She smiled pathetically. "Just peachy."

"I'll help you," He put her arm around his shoulder.

"C'mon! We've got somewhere to be!" Nori shouted in his usual strict voice.

"Well, I got to do something here." Kyari looked up into the sky and smiled. "This was pretty fun!"

(Other people)

"Hey Neji?"

"Yeah, Tenten?"

"What just happened?"

"I have no idea. We started kissing, then blank."

"Ok, good. I didn't wanna be the only confused person."

End

Yeah lame

I couldn't think of a good ending

Review and tell how bad it was pweez!


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